Family Counseling...

Did a counseling session for a family, mother, father and son, a few days ago. It was about their other son. According to the parents he is a very negative and destructive fellow and just DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE. They were telling me about all sorts of problems they are facing with him. How he will not talk to them nicely, or react well to them in various situations, etc. From what I heard, it felt like they mostly only saw the anger in him. When I asked they confirmed that he is a very angry boy and just never seems to have a reason to cool down. But it was the case only in his house. And even in his house, he reacts very differently to his younger brother after he has done some self work.

The younger brother has been working thru his issues and has come out really beautifully. Have seen it from the day he has started his self work and stayed on the path rather dedicatedly. He trained to be a Tarot Reader and recently got initiated into Reiki. Its amazing to see how a young man, who stammered, now helps people change their lives rather effectively. His older brother has changed the way he responds to him since his own internal shift. The parents saw that and had the confidence to ask for help.

It shows me that the older boy is very sensitive to energy. The anger is just a Defense Mechanism against his sensitive nature. As I mentioned this, out came the stories about how he cooks and sings like a dream and is an encyclopedia for english films and is actually naive enough to be taken for a ride by anyone. This shows me that he is actually totally different in truth but has chosen the angry face to show the world. Its his dominant personality that has completely taken over. This of course has lead to not having too many positive friends or a single relationship. As I enquired deeper, the truth about him being constantly yelled at and rejected and compared and even beaten up surfaced. Many other incidents where he was ridiculed in public by his own and therefor by peers also came up.

Putting all of this together with what he has turned out to be in the present makes me feel like he has bottled up so much. He has not let go of all that has happened and still operates from that space of the past. I asked the parents if he ever mentions the past, particularly incidents that have hurt him. That just broke a dam in the mother. She came up with every thing that he mentions over and over again. It's every point in his life that made him think about how completely useless he was, incapable and out of place. How he will never be accepted and no matter how hard he tries or works he will always be rejected and humiliated everywhere. The strength of these feelings is so strong within him that its going to be difficult to over come and it will take a little time. But it is possible to do it. With the help of his parents and his brother... this boy can be just fine.

The most important thing I suggested was that the parents sit with the two boys and genuinely ask him to forgive them. The father immediately turned around to say that he has already done it. So when I asked him how seriously he did it, he could not answer it. It was always, "Ok now listen I am sorry, lets forget it". NO.. The child will not forget it. If you really felt sorry you will take a few moments, hold the child and apologize. Mostly importantly, allow yourself to see you have made a mistake. This in turn will help you to work within yourself and bring you towards that mind space and awareness that will stop you from doing it again. No matter what your mental condition... You will avoid doing it again. After having explained all of that, There were still moment when the Father did not seem to SEE... 

When I asked the father, "What, really, is all the anger?" He very strongly tried to avoid the question in many ways. When I kept stopping him and asking him to address the question he just kept going around in circles. "Oh, he has always been like this", and "No matter what we do for him, its always about anger.". I realized that the family had gotten very comfortable with putting the boy in the "angry" box. Finally after a few minutes I just had to tell the father that his anger was a Defense Mechanism against all the pain he has felt in the past and the fear of persistently feeling it even today. 

I don't think there is anything wrong with the boy. All he needs is A LOT OF OBVIOUS LOVE showing him that life is beautiful. The father and the mother went home with a smile and a different point of view. Lets see how it plays out further now. 

Lots of love and light 

Shakti ~*~